5 Minutes
by adrynnXadrenaline
Summary: Ever wonder what happened during Beyond Birthday's last few minutes of life and freedom? Ever wonder what he was thinking. Was there more of a motive behind killing himself? Or was it ONLY to defeat L? Was there some sort of unrequited love or pain?


Naomi and I parted. I convinced her. She left. I managed to convince her to go and guard the other room. I wanted to shout with excitement, but no. I couldn't. I had to stay silent; after all, she is still an FBI agent. She might figure out that I'm the fourth victim, the final victim. If she was in contact with L, surely he must have given her some sort of clue, made her feel as though she needed to watch me. I had to get on with my plan now. I smiled knowing my victory was moments away. I took in my last clean, pure breath of life.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick...

I locked the door and wiped the thumb turn clean. Holding the cloth, I made sure that my Wara Ningyo was straight. Then, I stuffed the cloth into my pocket. I made sure I was thoroughly covered in oil. I was going to this fast. I mustn't waste time.

One last thing I forgot to do – take out my picture of A... I had to see A one last time... God was A beautiful.

"We'll finally be together again... Soon... A..."

I could hear the wind blowing outside the window at that moment. I knew that it was A responding to me. White flakes fell from the sky, tears of "snow." A was crying for me... Or the wind just picked up some flower petals... The latter was no where's near as poetic... It was definitely A crying. I didn't blame A. A would not want me to hurt like this on the inside. Underneath this desire to surpass L was the longing to see him, meet him, and be loved by him like his other clones.

Mello, Near, Matt.

Mihael Keehl, Nate River, Mail Jeevas.

"A. I miss you. I... I think I love you. Despite the monster that I am. The one that I know I am on the inside... I could never love. I never felt. I never experienced friendship. I am a monster. A sociopath. I had no feelings. So I thought. A..."

I flicked the lighter, the chemical induced flame shown like a resplendent sun. The lubricant on my skin glistened, gleaming and reflected the light. In the mirroring orb I saw my own face, done up; trying to be something I'm not.

"I'm a liar too..."

I sighed.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick...

I listened to the clock. It was now or never.

I lowered the lighter slowly beginning to put it into my pocket to dispose of the evidence. The oil ignited.

I burst into flames.

The fire licked at my skin. It felt good.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick...

Then it was painful. I hurt. I was in agony.

"A! Oh god! A! Help me!"

I wanted to get high off of the pain, like A. The damn suicidal masochist A was...

The pain was intense.

There was the awful smell.

It wasn't just the oil. That was my smell. The smell of me burning. I couldn't catch my breath either. The air was smoky. I could only taste the heat and smoke. Why wasn't my mouth on fire? Obviously it was because of my saliva. I knew that. It felt as though it was the only thing that wasn't burning. It should be. Even my heart was on fire.

"A!"

I started to run across the floor. Where was the bathroom? I had to put out the fire. I couldn't see.

"Help me... A..." I rasped. I didn't really want to scream. Even that hurt.

"A..." I ran into a wall. My skin... It was... It had to be melting – and black. I was dying. Should I be?

When was I supposed to die? Killing myself would definitely be harder if I wasn't supposed to die. Possibly... I didn't want to experiment, try to kill someone who wasn't destined to die.

Perhaps I underestimated the human body.

"L! A! Somebody!"

I heaved a sob of agony.

Where was my heart? What mistake did I make?

Why did my parents leave me like they did...? I wouldn't be here if that had been the case. I would be... Normal...

I couldn't cry. I needed to.

Why wasn't Naomi back? If she was at all the type of agent or person that L would choose, she would be coming back... But if she came back, would I still win?

No. She could... Maybe... Possibly...

The likelihood of her being able to stop me, stop this, was very low. Roughly 1.98575 percent. Not nearly enough to prove formidable. But still... The door was locked, how would she get to me?

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick...

The damn clock was mocking me! Time was moving so slowly... It had been only two and a half minutes...

A...

My hands were on fire. I needed water... Or should I just die?

"What should I do?" I couldn't even speak.

I began to shriek in horror and agony of my realizations. I wasn't strong – I couldn't handle this – I wanted to surpass L more than anything. Defeat him, but I was in so much pain. I couldn't kill myself. Why couldn't I be like my victims?

Three and a half minutes.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick...

Then I heard it. Three shots. The sound reverberated through the room. The sound of brass being shot at.

Naomi. She... She came back.

My throat burned from my screaming. How could I still be alive?

"R-Ryuzaki?" she shouted. I couldn't see her.

I began to run... but fell. I continued hollering.

I heard Naomi run into the hall.

I curled up into a fetal position shrieking, sobbing.

"Ryuzaki!" Misora shouted.

Then the burning sensation stopped.

But the pain didn't. I continued crying for a moment... But then stopped my shouting... and broke down in silent sobs.

I was still on fire, why not a pile of ashes? My skin... My skin... Gone...

I couldn't breath.

Distantly, I heard my name being called.

Darkness was taking over me.

My colors were fading out.

My last breath seemed to pierce my lungs...

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick...

The last five minutes of my freedom... My liberty gone. The last five minutes of my life wasted, agonizing and horrifying...

A... Oh god. Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you tell me it was so hard to kill a person?

A, how did you do it?

Tell me... And why... Why did you leave me?

I hate to blame everyone else or make excuses but some of this would be different had past events never occurred...

I couldn't think anymore.

How was I still able to form these coherent thoughts and sentences. My five minutes were over. Done.

I would have been with you after these five minutes, A.


End file.
